attempt number xx

hey blog.
(attempt number xx)
i've been writing posts and deleting them over and over again impulsively
hmph. mind's fault. no. actually. my fault
i don't know whether its writer's block or just lack of inspiration
its definitely nothing personal :)

i stand by the sole purpose i made this page.
it had nothing to do with hiding behind the pc screen as an anonymity. nope. my comments even the bitchiest to the slight, have never been anonymous :s to anyone.
it had everything to do with the fact that i had. and still probably have. these two different faces to me. two different characters :)
now? i'm in the place i say things that i don't put out directly in real life when i'm all happyslapjack about everything going on around me
so ? label me a skitzo :]
besides,
i love that not one person who visits here gets what i'm saying half the time.
moreover, any of my max-speare posts aahhaha. (thats short for poetry, mr/miss ignorant :])

okay.
even if i hate hate hate typing these things on impulse.
i'm sick of being all deep, so from this day. till i get the inspiration, this is how it's going to be.

i was reading this bt.u girl's blog and despite her worst efforts at the whole regina george theatrics thing, i found her COMPLETELY ENTERTAINING.
if i could subscribed i would have, seriously. yea whatever max you sound so stalker.
people were trippin all over theirselves commenting shizz about her but seriously, my first five minutes in her life had made me thinking how glad i was i kept out from that. world.
how my problems. my life. as messy as it can be, it's borderline normal :)
ahaha suckers.

on another note,
to answer the question about how i'm doing..
i've come to the concluse.
i'm grateful things have been calm for me and i've learned to deal.
whatever happens in life happens rights?
things right now are really good. i don't know about tomorrow.
so i'm gonna put this out while the waters are tepid.

i'm srsly embracing the transition of last years maxine version 1.0 into this years natsoshnidza version 2.0 :D.
i really dont know why. why the drastic change?
i used to wake up for nobody (anyone or anything) other than for me.
loving me always came first.
i'm sorry if this kills whoever was a part of my life in the past. oops
but now. things have taken a complete 180. well maybe 150.

somee weirdo's gotten to a close second on my list. thats saying something k, cause no one's ever made it this close.
alright maybe not second, like one and a half.
whooo would have guessed that this crazy mercun boy would have way more substance than anyone of you. it just took some time figuring this one out, even for me. yup even for a mindreader. anyway its no fun reading an open book right?
so thank you for the crazy roller coaster ride, cause i've seen..almost everything
i'm not sure i'm used to this much vulnerability and exposure but its been worth it.
i'm at a place in my life where i can admit i'm..happy :))

time to go back to the drawing board for my dress

i didnt end up deleting..this
haha progress..:)
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